I'm talking about a squirrel.
So, there's a squirrel, stuffing it's cheeks full of nuts and acorns and whatever else squirrels eat. And it's scampering across the roots of trees and fallen leaves, running back to it's little nest-home-den thing. Whatever.
Anyways, it's going to wherever it lives, and it hears a noise. The small rodent stops. Looks around. Listens. Hears nothing, so it goes on with its day. It senses no predator, and I'm pretty sure its brain doesn't have a stop-and-investigate feature and if it does, the damn thing ignores it. The tiny critter heads on back.
And so does the thing that frightened it.
#
So, there's a woman and a dude going camping. They're having fun. Eating smores. Looking at wildlife. Star-gazing. Walking into poison oak. One day, while the lady is applying anti-itch cream to her sweetie's back where he supplied vital nutrients for a skeeter (read: mosquito), they hear a noise.
The broad, Amy, instantly thinks the worst. It's a serial killer. Or a bear. Peter the Skeeter-Feeder is sent out to look. He's tired, so he doesn't really look. It's probably just a branch. After a quick glance, he goes back in and the continue on with their night.
And so does the thing that frightened them.
#
If you haven't got it yet, the Thing is a Bigfoot. Sasquatch. Yes, I'm aware that's not a yeti. Yetis live up north, in the snow.
But down in the Pacific Northwest, there was a particular Sasquatch, whom we shall call "Fred." Fred had had a few encounters with our kind, humans. He was intrigued with them. The way they had no hair on their bodies, but walked like him; the food they ate was similar, but lacked pine cones. He wanted to know more.
Many of the other Sasquatches banished poor Fred on account that his hair was white. Not only did he venture out to see humanity, he also failed to blend in with his surroundings. They were sure he was going to let the Bigfoot out of the bag, so they shunned him. Poor Freddie lived alone now, with no friends. All he had were the humans, which seemed to be violent--they cut down his trees and killed the deer with long, loud machines that made a bang! when they went off.
Fred understood that this was how they survived. He couldn't get upset at a species for surviving, no matter how frightening their method was. It was for this reason he held no grudges against his species.
No, Fred saw his banishment as an opportunity. He had a plan.
#
The lady sitting on the log was inspecting her fingernails. She was quite bored, even with all the people to look at. They were all the same. A man with a suit. A man with a briefcase. A man with a fancy hat. A quiet woman holding the arm of her man, who had a briefcase and a fancy hat. They were all sheeple.
She had directions to wait for her father, who was a man with a suit. A very rich man with a suit. she looked around at the small town which was called "Seattle." (Seattle had not yet become a city: it was just a small logging town, surrounded by other, slightly bigger logging towns. In a few years it would become a giant.)
She glanced up at, for some reason, and saw somebody who was definitely not a sheeperson. It was a man--it must have been. Women surely couldn't get that tall. She had never seen someone so big. He must have been 7 and a half feet tall.
She giggled as she looked at him. She realized that he must be in stilts and was from the circus. Of course he was. Why else would he be wearing such a weird costume? It looked like he had white bear fur all over him.
He got onto a boat to Alaska getting only a few What-the-hell-are-you-doing? looks.
She was still laughing as her father came to find her.
#
Fred got off of the loud steamboat. He regretted having come to live with the humans. They were loud, and obnoxious. He liked his people better, even though they had shunned him. He was just as much a freak here as he was there. At least he knew how to survive back home, but not here.
When he got off of the boat he walked with the crowd to... somewhere, he supposed. It was cold like in the middle of winter, but it had been spring back there. There was the fluffy white stuff that he sank into.
After a few minutes of listening to the loud murmur of the crowd before he... snapped. Deciding that human life wasn't for him, he ran into the snow, getting lost more quickly than a puppy at a carnival.
#
I don't really know what happened to Fred after that. I think there were others like him out there in the middle of nowhere. Maybe he lives in Canada now. I dunno. Maybe he found another squirrel and became friends with it, and now they live in their nest-den-home thing together.
Whatever.
But down in the Pacific Northwest, there was a particular Sasquatch, whom we shall call "Fred." Fred had had a few encounters with our kind, humans. He was intrigued with them. The way they had no hair on their bodies, but walked like him; the food they ate was similar, but lacked pine cones. He wanted to know more.
Many of the other Sasquatches banished poor Fred on account that his hair was white. Not only did he venture out to see humanity, he also failed to blend in with his surroundings. They were sure he was going to let the Bigfoot out of the bag, so they shunned him. Poor Freddie lived alone now, with no friends. All he had were the humans, which seemed to be violent--they cut down his trees and killed the deer with long, loud machines that made a bang! when they went off.
Fred understood that this was how they survived. He couldn't get upset at a species for surviving, no matter how frightening their method was. It was for this reason he held no grudges against his species.
No, Fred saw his banishment as an opportunity. He had a plan.
#
The lady sitting on the log was inspecting her fingernails. She was quite bored, even with all the people to look at. They were all the same. A man with a suit. A man with a briefcase. A man with a fancy hat. A quiet woman holding the arm of her man, who had a briefcase and a fancy hat. They were all sheeple.
She had directions to wait for her father, who was a man with a suit. A very rich man with a suit. she looked around at the small town which was called "Seattle." (Seattle had not yet become a city: it was just a small logging town, surrounded by other, slightly bigger logging towns. In a few years it would become a giant.)
She glanced up at, for some reason, and saw somebody who was definitely not a sheeperson. It was a man--it must have been. Women surely couldn't get that tall. She had never seen someone so big. He must have been 7 and a half feet tall.
She giggled as she looked at him. She realized that he must be in stilts and was from the circus. Of course he was. Why else would he be wearing such a weird costume? It looked like he had white bear fur all over him.
He got onto a boat to Alaska getting only a few What-the-hell-are-you-doing? looks.
She was still laughing as her father came to find her.
#
Fred got off of the loud steamboat. He regretted having come to live with the humans. They were loud, and obnoxious. He liked his people better, even though they had shunned him. He was just as much a freak here as he was there. At least he knew how to survive back home, but not here.
When he got off of the boat he walked with the crowd to... somewhere, he supposed. It was cold like in the middle of winter, but it had been spring back there. There was the fluffy white stuff that he sank into.
After a few minutes of listening to the loud murmur of the crowd before he... snapped. Deciding that human life wasn't for him, he ran into the snow, getting lost more quickly than a puppy at a carnival.
#
I don't really know what happened to Fred after that. I think there were others like him out there in the middle of nowhere. Maybe he lives in Canada now. I dunno. Maybe he found another squirrel and became friends with it, and now they live in their nest-den-home thing together.
Whatever.
